I just saw Gary. The special episode from The Bear. My mom said it was boring and she didn’t understand it. My aunt said nothing. I said, yeah, that’s a suicidal person. And I felt deep in my bones how it was fine until it wasn’t. How depression get romanticised when it’s sad thoughtful conversations …
The seed I planted has died under the rain. The one you brought. The lighter you gave me went lost the other night. The little origami are now hidden, but I keep them. The pictures of you are still there and each time I watch them I die inside a little more. Maybe I should …
I saw a guy with your backpack pass me by in the street. For a moment I hoped it was you. I saw a guy with your backpack and he had earrings like you and hair as long as yours, but he had blue jeans and red and white Nikes and it felt wrong. I …
Depression is a weird little thing. I’ve been carefully avoiding L.’s music for the past weeks. Yesterday I didn’t. I let chance do her thing, put the anxiety playlist on shuffle and waited for his piano, for his voice, to warm me up. It didn’t work how I wanted it to, it wasn’t warm. It …
The sky was beautiful this morning. I slept next to nothing. So many things have gone wrong. I’m watching the clouds moving. I have to be a cloud, I have to move and change and learn and adapt. The clouds are moving fast, I think my change will be slower. But I have to make …
warning: this piece may sound like it’s about my romances, but it’s actually just about suicide. again. It’s been a while since I last sat down with my feelings. I should have been writing a little more. If I had maybe everything would be different, right now. Every second there’s quiet around me I see …
Today I woke up with muscles spasms It had been a while since it last happened I have control over the big movements of my hand It just bothers me that it moves on its own And it hurts when I try to control the spasms It hurts to type this It scares me I …
It’s 3 am, I can’t sleep anymore and I’m having an anxiety attack. Also I’m kinda hungry. We had plans for tomorrow and I am stressed. So I got drunk, took my sleeping pills and went to bed. I fell asleep. When I got home drunk I thought about that other guy. If he had …
Ciao Gre come stai? Ultimamente ti penso spesso. Penso spesso anche a tuo fratello. Mi dispiace non averti scritto nulla quando è successo. Non sapevo cosa dirti. Non lo so nemmeno adesso. Volevo solo sapere come stai. Tra due settimane è il tuo compleanno. Mi manchi, non so perché. È quasi un anno che penso …
I love talking about jealousy, I sort of don’t really know what it’s like to feel it, but I have experienced it on me in every toxic way. I have rarely felt jealous, and when I did it was mostly just envy or a covert resentment. I understand my jealousy is just anger. More often …