Here we go again. I spent last night crying and fell asleep between my tears. I woke up aching. Both my hands are burning from the inside. The right hand is mostly fingers. The left goes up to my arm and at times to the shoulder. My phone feels heavy, typing on the computer hurts …
I just saw Gary. The special episode from The Bear. My mom said it was boring and she didn’t understand it. My aunt said nothing. I said, yeah, that’s a suicidal person. And I felt deep in my bones how it was fine until it wasn’t. How depression get romanticised when it’s sad thoughtful conversations …
The seed I planted has died under the rain. The one you brought. The lighter you gave me went lost the other night. The little origami are now hidden, but I keep them. The pictures of you are still there and each time I watch them I die inside a little more. Maybe I should …
I saw a guy with your backpack pass me by in the street. For a moment I hoped it was you. I saw a guy with your backpack and he had earrings like you and hair as long as yours, but he had blue jeans and red and white Nikes and it felt wrong. I …
Depression is a weird little thing. I’ve been carefully avoiding L.’s music for the past weeks. Yesterday I didn’t. I let chance do her thing, put the anxiety playlist on shuffle and waited for his piano, for his voice, to warm me up. It didn’t work how I wanted it to, it wasn’t warm. It …
The sky was beautiful this morning. I slept next to nothing. So many things have gone wrong. I’m watching the clouds moving. I have to be a cloud, I have to move and change and learn and adapt. The clouds are moving fast, I think my change will be slower. But I have to make …
warning: this piece may sound like it’s about my romances, but it’s actually just about suicide. again. It’s been a while since I last sat down with my feelings. I should have been writing a little more. If I had maybe everything would be different, right now. Every second there’s quiet around me I see …
Today I woke up with muscles spasms It had been a while since it last happened I have control over the big movements of my hand It just bothers me that it moves on its own And it hurts when I try to control the spasms It hurts to type this It scares me I …
It’s 3 am, I can’t sleep anymore and I’m having an anxiety attack. Also I’m kinda hungry. We had plans for tomorrow and I am stressed. So I got drunk, took my sleeping pills and went to bed. I fell asleep. When I got home drunk I thought about that other guy. If he had …